It’s all or nothing: a journey into the Orange Box

Portal: I'm making a note here, huge success

Conducting science on those still alive

Here is a scene: you have a gun that basically gives you the ability to warp space at your whim. While that should make you happy, the only reason you have said gun is because you're at the mercy of a crazy AI that wants to test… something. "You’re doing well," a voice intones over the loudspeakers, your progress watched by hungry-looking video cameras, "If you finish this next experiment, we will give you cake." While the voice may think the cake is what is motivating you, in truth there is very little you can do to survive inside this insane laboratory. But that's okay; your death is just another data point.

Portal seems like a proof of concept game at first. You have a gun that allows you to shoot—well... portals at the wall, floors, and ceilings, and if you put one on the floor and one on the wall, you can fall forward. Dig on that for a while. While the levels begin with a few simple puzzles, soon your mind will be mush as you try to work out the placement of the portals so that when you fall down a few stories you’ll land in a portal only to fly up through the floor, giving yourself vertical lift. Don’t worry, this all makes sense when you see it in action. Until then, words are meaningless when it comes to describing how you can make a gun turret fall into a wall, only to begin shooting at itself.

The graphics are sparse, very clean and simple. This keeps the framerate up, which is helpful during some of the more twitchy puzzles. This is a game that will test your reflexes as much as it will your mind: one room forces you to fly from portal to portal without losing your momentum, which gives you precious little time to think.

All this, for cake.

There is no difficulty setting, since there is no combat. There are gun turrets, sure, but the strategy in defeating them involves passive violence: stick a blue portal to the ceiling and shoot an orange portal under the turret. It will fall down far enough to break the electronics, all the while apologizing profusely for its actions. You'll take a lot of joy in abusing these little guys. They sound a little too sweet as they wonder who you are, so they can shoot you.

Portal could have been a simple puzzle game, but the humor in the voice-overs and the situations you're put into will keep you laughing while you bite down on your frustration. Some of the puzzles can get downright maddening, and even though the 19 "experiments" are over relatively quickly (I beat the game in four hours, although I got stuck numerous times. A more nimble mind could finish the game in around two and a half hours, with luck) you're left with an experience that you'll be thinking about for a long time. Make sure you pay attention to the credits, which features a surprise that had me laughing out loud. I won't ruin it for you, but I will say the soundtrack is definitely a keeper.

I would have had problems if I bought this as a standalone game at anything above $15, but for a handful of hours I had a great time with this imaginative, funny, and completely batshit-insane game. It is at times scary, at times oddly touching, and always odd. Portal is a game that you will be quoting for quite a long time. To tell you more would take away from the experience of your first play-through, but be ready for something that’s unlike almost anything you've ever played.  You may think you’re running through the early levels, but wait for the last few; there are some doozies waiting for you.

When you beat the game and finish the story, you unlock more challenges and advanced versions of the puzzles, extending the play time. Making the Orange Box an anthology was a smart choice; I'm not sure how else you would have been able to sell a game like this. You can tell everyone involved had a great time throwing ideas at the wall to see what would stick, and the finished product is a true original. A few more hours and maybe a map editor and this could have been a standalone game. As it stands, this is a great addition to the Orange Box, although it is over way too soon.